Thursday, September 29, 2005
i am very disappointed in myself. i hate amath. perhaps i really got my share of a. no more a for me. ever. =/ sounds stupid.. cause i nv got an a for stupid amath, so how could i run outta As for amath?
anyway. amath. it's really stupid. no, acutally, i'm the one who's stupid. careless mistakes all over the place. and no to mention there were MANY qn i didn't noe how to do. it's hopeless. no matter how many papers i try, no matter how many qn i practice, it'll all come to naught, and i'm forever stuck at c5 or 6. it's not even that the paper's difficult. and unlike other ppl. i cannot depend on my emath. cause i'm careless. actually, all my hope lies on emath now- it's the only one tt i have left. if careless mistakes decides to strike me too, den it's the end. THE END. no matter.
really happy about my eng. =))) i got 39/50!!! never have i gotten so high!!! =) i'm really really pleased with myself about this. =) but den again, there is compo and oral. won't fare so well for compo- i actually got BORED while writing -.-. and report? i'm pelased to announce tt there are two sentences FEATURED on the error analysis ws. need i say more?
chem. =D this grin jus about express everything. but hey, i wasn't as happy during chem lesson. i'm sure there would be error in marking. and there was. SIGHS. and ppl jus kept looking through my paper, as if trying to get me to minus mark. paranoid me. yea paranoid me. i'm sorry to all those out there.. especially tzewai.
nv felt so miserable for amath. actually. i did feel as miserable. it was tt friday after receiving back amath(again_) fo common test. i walked through the same route to tt very same bus stop. history does repeats itself. who says it doesn't?
nvm. shall pour my agonies out to my diary. after all, people can't take to much pessimistic stuff.
Wednesday, September 28, 2005
sth's wrong with this entry posting place. ARGH. nvm. at least i stil can type.
finally, i've rid myself of the worldly desire to get a new mp3 player! =D yay! i can continue to save money (-.-). ah well. AH WELL.
i'm bored. but i dun think i'm supposed to be bored. cause. it's NOT after the o lvl. i think we're supposed to be studying. but hey.. i am still in the mood to relax! =) mayb not. simply because getting back the results were NOT a good time. i've not a single A1 till now. how very pathetic. sniff. how to get into my dream jc? *dreams* both my emath and amath were a complete disaster. nvm. i SHALL NOT DWELL ON SUCH UNHAPPY STUFF. -.-
o yeah! finally rmb i've sth to do when i come online. i'm supposed to look for juliann hee's pic! yea! =) hee. errrr.. looked for them. and errrr.. SO LITTLE PIC available..! *am pissed* ok forget it. i dun wan his pic anymore.. ah well..
am bored.. perhaps shall go off after taggin other ppl's blog.
Saturday, September 24, 2005
finally PRELIMS ARE OVER!! *cheers* (there's still the o lvls, say my wet blanket side -.-) went out yesterday with cher and lt. to run their errands, lik charmed and eyebrows but hey, i finally decided to get my bro a bday present. nothing grand nor special, and he was really down-to-earth about it. say wat it's a big key-chian. -.- i'm really hurt yea i am. -.- but nvm, after all, tat was jus sth to APPEASE him. hee. but yesterday wasn't much fun. i got a headache tt jus started to increase in intensity
hmm.. got sth to talk about today. integrity (thanks to lt.)
[Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code.
The state of being unimpaired; soundness.
The quality or condition of being whole or undivided; completeness.]
hmmm. ok fine. once upon a time, i tot of myself as a person with intergrity. not now though. i mean.. judging from my OBSESSION about marks and everything, i dun think i would own up tt few marks tt would cause me to slide from an already-so-low band two to low band three. and the thing about karma. hey, it's there for a reason. perhaps rewards from my past karma. ha. =P ah well, my twisted sense of karma. but wth. not tt i'm totally a bad person or watever. i won't push the blame to someone. i'll own up (in fact, i'll be MORE than eager to own up).
enough of tt. wat about my worldy desire to own an mp3 player with a bigger storage? wat's wrong with me?! i'm so.. lusting-for-new-things. lik the zen micro viewer!!!! DAMN. i was really drooling over it at the web. imagine wat i will do if it's the real thing. rob for it? perhaps. ok, i shouldn't buy it. it's too much. but my current mp3 player is really lousy!! and the earphones are crappy. and it auto shuts down. *whine* yes i wan a new one very very much. after the Os perhaps. lik i'll get rich after the Os. -.- mayb working isn't really a bad thing. -.-
Wednesday, September 21, 2005
hmmm. finally i've found some time to come online!! heex. ar actually, been online for VERY long. =/ very bad. been here soo long tt i've got a headache... but hey, i found some VERY interesing harry pottter stuff!!! YAY! all thanks to kaiwen's blogg. hee. =) www.dumbledoreisnotdead.com wonderful stuf!!! =)
o crap. been online too long. mum's complaining. have to go offf.. GAH. but i'm not done. *whines*
anyway, about prelims. yours truly is numbed. i dun feel anxious about those stupid prelims. after all, wat's there to worry. already so many mistakes. my As jus flew outta my grasp. it's really sickening. my physics. about 11 mistakes. DEPRESSING. i dun lik getting double digit mistakes. it jus proves to me how stupid i'm. -.- and bio, nvm about bio. pRAc was a disaster. our class did badly, including me. HAIX. nvm. and chem. was supposed to be easy. ok, it was easier than the past hellish papers. but i had so many careless mistakes i feel lik slappying myself left, right up and down *quote from sj*.
funny how i say i dun feel anything and here i am complaining lik no one's business. -.- perhaps it's not tt i feel detached. it's jus tt i've given up hope, but stil desperately pinning for good results. jus what is my problem. -.- depressing ain't it. nvm..
just a short entry. after all, i dun lik boring long and draggy entry myself.. =)
Friday, September 16, 2005
ok, one week of prelims have passed. not feeling too good, as usual. still having my sucky cough.. went to doctor yesterday and he said it was allergy. omans. not good..
if u do not fancy reading depressing stuff or plain long stuff, pls stop here and immediatey tag. i dun lik to make ppl sad. i dun lik my sad mood affecting u, especially if u're feeling especially sad now?
anw, is it me, or are exams getting more and more unbearable??!! i can't stand it. not only those sucky papers. but the fact tt i feel lousy and i dun dare to say it. i'm afraid of making ppl think i'm someone who's a hypocrite. also the fact tt ppl keep saying "i will fail" jus about makes me feel lik screaming out loud hypocrite, yet i am one myself. pot calling the kettle black. nope i dun wan to be that kind of someone.
let's see.. every paper suck. amath was as usual, hellish. i can't believe i actually tot i could make it for math. well not anymore. stupid sets and everything. stupid amath and that's my final word. ss today was disasterous. almost burst out in hysterical laughter. see, i was trying to read the source in a calm manner, but ppl around me were scribbling lik it's the end of the world. i started to panic and thus skip to the structure qn, and wrote down those points. glanced down at my stopwatch which was running very fast and start to panic again. spent lik so long on 6mark qn. watever. i didn't have time. didn't think properly for the last 2 qn for structure. till now, i can only pray. hope for the best and prepare for the worst. emath was depressing. i bet everyone finds it easy. everyone except me that it. mine is going to be stuffed full of careless mistakes and jus plain mistakes. this is depressing. i dun feel lik striving anymore. no motivation. and oh, i mus mention bio. it was crappy!!! it was so very difficult!!!! i cannnot actually believe i tot i would score as always. success must really be getting to my head. i'm getting proud!!! pride comes before a fall!!!!!! i'm getting hysterical. someone pls calm me down...! i seriously think i won't be doing so well this time. say all u wan, but i dun think i'll do well!!! *screams* so there.
supposed to be doing physics now.. but the hell with it. sighs. i'm not feeling in a good mood.. sighs...
enough about tt. sth nice... HAPPY BIRTHDAY LITTLE BRO GUAN RONG! =)
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
not feeling very inspirated now. in fact, i'm feeling rather sian. jus typed a letter to a fren. a very very long letter.
anw, to address my previous (very interesting) topic. hmm.. i am still feeling lik a hypocrite.(and i dun even noe how to pronounce this word still). i've given a thought about it. and it's not all the time i adopt the modest approach so that everyone will underestimate me. in fact, most of the time when i say i feel i would fail/not get great marks, i really do feel that way. but of course, when such a time happen, i usually scored ok, and ppl to whom i complain too gets really unhappy.
of course i learn my lesson and bit my lips and not complain the next time it happens. den of course ppl will say i get the highest, but still i hold my tongue. and when results come back, my life jus crash and burn. -.- and somewhere somehow, i can' believe whether it's retribution or not, but someone will jokingly say "i get higher den u". omans, u won't believe how much my mood jus sours. but of course, i'll try to keep my cool and hold my silence. but usually i end up showing my sulky face. sighs. it's not my fault my stupid feelings decide to get ahead of me, is it? mayb it is my fault.
y does results mean so much to me?? y can't i jus treat it lik wat it is?? it's merely results? there are of course so much more impt things.. lik love, family and frens. wat is wrong with me?! it is merely results. must i get so agitated over it? must i let things sour bet me and my frens? i am such a sucky person.
or perhaps i feel that i have only my results to believe in. i have nothing else. really nothing (as i've discovered during the process of writiing my testimonial). i am not even sure wat is my belief. sure i call myself a buddhist, but i dun find myself turin to my religion when i'm really at my wit's end. mayb i'm better off a free thinker. i told myself i believe in magic, believe in mother nature (erm, sounds alot lik satanic, dun u think? =/), but i dun really feel the pang when i study geog and all thsoe environment degradation. so wat' s up with my noble ambition of wanting to be an environmentalist? it's lik, it's all humans fault that we're all in this state. it's the inevitable price of development. and yea, i do believe in the cause and effect thing, and the dark and light, ying and yang.
great, wallowing in self pity again, as my sis will oh-so-kindly inform me. but nvm, as jane will tell me, i'm one confused individual.
off to dental appointment again. yes. i'm really scared of another root canal such that i am desperate for my 6-mth checkups..
Friday, September 02, 2005
bleah. i'm recoverying, at the rate of negative per second. yea been doing too much math. hmm.. actually, not too much. but u noe me. i can take the whole afternoon just to solve one qn. =X perhaps listening to music at the same time helped me to take so long for one qn, but hey, without music, there wil be more sulk lines (hmm is there even such a thing?) and i'll be screaming at the qn and banging and kicking the table the whole day. but this afternoon was spent on correcting those exam papers i've been doing (with the music blaring of course, waddaya expect?). to refrain from depressing myself, i dun calculate the marks at all. dun wan to de-motivate myself, u see. horrible crosses inflicted on the paper by urs truly cause i'm was truly annoyed at the horrendous careless mistakes.
but anyway, got a rather interesting topic to blog about. hmm. modesty is the quality of being a chinese. and yep, chi youngsters nowadays do demonstrate this traditional quality, in fact, almost to the extent it's lik being a hypocrite. that's wat i feel anw. i feel that sometimes i'm too modest to the extent that i'm lying. and it's not lying jus for the sake of keeping the very nice quality modesty, but i'd rather ppl underestimate me than overestimating me. i rather i underestimate myself. such that i won't be too disappointed and chide myself for acutally thinkin so highly of myself. i supposed this led to my self-deprecation? hmm.. and the fact tat i can see this 'disguting' modesty in other ppl makes me feel rather irritated cause i subconsciously do not lik seeing my faults displayed in other ppl to my own disadvantage? ok, i'm not really sure wat i'm trying to say too. perhaps i should jus go read more books, practice my tys and improve my eng!! according to my progress report, i should go "read more books" to improve my eng. hmm digressing but ah well.
i supposed i'm in a 'philosopical mood' and not in a surly and pessimistic mood. enjoyed my entry? perhaps not. but i'm sure everyone prefers the 'happy ending' stories and not one where i merely rant my miseries. but hey, i'm all for hearing my muse. but am i listening? there is a difference, after all, to looking and seeing. wait. is there a difference? there is la. (a little singlish won't kill, right? =P)
Thursday, September 01, 2005
i thought i was getting better. i thought wrong. slept the whole day yesterday. -.- wasted the whole day yesterday. sighs. i'm stil not better. in fact, i jus puked before going to sleep again. sighs. how. i'm still sick!!!! i longed to get better!! now i finally understand how terrible zihui must have felt. sighs!!!
BIO PRAC TMR. help..!! PLS SOMEONE HELP ME. nvm. chem prac was horrible. perhaps a blessing in disguise i couldn't smell such tat i didn't put sulphur dioxide for the gas. watever la. my hand really shook and maganate splattered everywhere instead of going into the burette lik it was meant to. nvm.. nvm. after all, it's not the o lvl but i'm sure i'll be as nervous as for the o lvl unless i totally give up and thus won't feel as anxious. calming techniques anyone??
hatebeingsick.....!!!!! when will i ever get betterrrrrr. SIGHS.