Monday, October 23, 2006
am starting to lose the belief that tmr'l be a better day. right eyelid still gives an occasional moody twitch, my cd collections has yet to return and everything is jus so screwed up.
were things better before? i duno. seems lik my one whole life's nth but misery. i strongly suspects a large portion of it's due to my pessimism, but reali, sometimes i jus think it's tat i'm being realistic.
damn it. i think i better start on bloody script for pw. it's "u're on ur own." and doesn't help the rest of the grp's obviously waay better than me in terms of intelligence. SIGHS.
Don' t read SERIOUS. it's a boring whiny entry.
ok. jus as i managed to tel myself "it can't be tat bad." and that i'll grudgingly swallow the (can i call it that?) injustice, saw sth that made me boil again. so pissed. so UNFAIR. so screwed up. and i think i suck so much. y am i always on a different wavelength as people? why do my ideas so sucks? WHY I AM SO STUPID. or mayb the whole thing lies in my almost non-existence confidence. when ppl ask for my opinion (which is once in a blue moon), i freeze up and tries desperately to seek an ans that agrees with everyone. resulting with a stupid ans. when i try to REALI ask myself, i realise that i dun hav any opinion at al! yay i DESERVE to fail gp (ok not fail la, but without moderation i REALI wil fail, and as someone tells me, it is despicable to rely on moderation to get an A, much less to pass. -.-) ok i need to find my self-confidence. but hoW? HOW HOW?? is it tat i can only depend on myself? BUT I NEED COLD HARD FACTS and not my own conjectures. they are often wrong anw. ok. i feel so SELFISH and self-centred. gosh.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
i KNEW this was miscalcuated from the start. KNEW i was the one who SPOIL everything. serve me rite eh.
told my parents about the ocip trip to thailand when i first heard about it (not thru happy times i can tel u. sighhs). they didn't reali say anything. cause even i dun even noe anything. den now when i tel them the location and after they seeing the news on tv about some bombing again, they told me not to go. SIGHS. but reali, mayb i shouldn't go for my selfish reasons (top3 acheivements) but sighs! didn't reali care about wat they say, but until my mum remarked wat i've been complaining to her, about my eyelid twitching. and mind u, it's the right eye, so it doesn't bode wel. SIGHS. how. =(
ok den. i decide. i shal not go if i can get into the job attachment. sighhs. =(
Thursday, October 19, 2006
ok. got back all my results. i can get promoted! yay! yay! was seriously worried about gp la. and my worry was not for no reason. without moderation, i would hav FAILED! i would hav to live in constant fear of not being able to get promoted! but thank heavens there is a moderation, so i can get promoted! yay! ok i MUST be thankful i can pass instead of whining about dropping 2 grades (too late). but reali. my essay did a whooping 21/50, wat else can i expect?
ok thank you jane for this: suting is smart cause in "smart', there is a "s' and 't'...! yay! =) SmarT! hehe.. =P
ok, got a very NICE 'b" for bio! yayy!!! after al, b is for bio! hahas. =p but reali, shal gloat since this is the HIGHEST grade i ever attain in major exam so far in vj. erms. but reali.
ok. should be doing pw. but wel. sighhs.
Monday, October 16, 2006
i have a reason y most ppl dun feel lik it's the end of promos even if it was the end of promos. it could be because there is stil the annoying a lvl for ex-express chinese ppl. or it could be that we are jus sub-consciously worrying about the results. or it could be jus me. -.- i reali didn't want back my papers.
ok, first paper i got back was bio. (but before that, mr ho was kindly teling us the overal result for the class, to prepare us when we get back the paper during the actual thing, now tat already got my nerves all frazzled.) den the paper was given back. ok at least i had mental preparation since we were warned that those who attempted essay 9 (it was a choice between qn 8 and 9, and obviously, since i didn't reali study for stupid carbos and lipids, i had no choice but to go with 9) ended up badly. =( sighs. so reali. at least i didn't fail. at least i managed to keep my c (highest grade so far now SIGHS). it was a REALI close shave. one mark less and it'l be hello my D dear fren..!
remained almost stagnant for chem (for the grade anw). wel a rather relief cause i tot i would fail.
math again made me wana do sth stupid. while i got 59%, everyone else got 90%+. ok, tat was an exaggeration. but viki who goes to the same tuition as i do (as well as getting the same tcher, math resources, school, class, tutorial) got 90%+, and i remain tat crappy, there must be sth wrong, dont u think? ok i think it must be tat i'm a darn lazy person who doesnt work as hard (and therfore doesn't deserve to score) or i'm jus plain stupid. not very encouraging, either way. =( sighs.
econs was rather.. i duno. hav to see case study tmr. it wasn't as good as i would lik it to be and i have to depend on the essay u see. cause i totali gave up on this 8m qn in the case study. watever la.
ok, enough whinings. so anw, now tat it's getting back results time, it's also time to be tactful and sensitive. so it's REALi not a good idea to keep whining about ur marks unless u're quite sure u're lik last or sth. but 'm nowhere. neither here nor there. so if i dun whine (to make sure i dun get hated), other ppl wil start, and den u'll realise they got lik higher den u. -.- delightful. ARRGH. i HATE this. DAMN IT.
to make things worst, some ASSHOL* stole my cd collection AT HOME. FINE i should hav nv place it near the window, BUT HELLO? how in the world can i imagine someone would wana steal it? DAMN THAT PERSON. so pissed. SIGHS. i WISHED it was JUS misplaced. BUT I CAN"T FIND IT ANW! =(
shyt la. supposed to work on stupid PROBABILITY tut but wat am i doing here? wasting my youth.-.- watever. damnit.
Saturday, October 14, 2006
recently, life got interesting. interesting in the bad way. everything's jus totaly screwed up. i tot everything was blissful at the start of the year. how very wrong. now not only my studies is screwed up, everything else is! i'm probably a whiner jus lik in secondary school. BAH. watever. bad day today. almost as bad as yesterday. but reali. things jus got progressively worst. luckily it's the weekends. i can afford to clear my mind and start thinking clearly. but mayb it's not good it's the weekend, cause tat means i'll jus keep on brooding until i'm completely mad.
should be getting back most of the results on mon. no. that's when reality checks come in. no. another reason y the weekend is NOT good. ok watever. i'm reali in no mood to write since i realised one of my greatest faults is whining.
Monday, October 09, 2006
hmm.. should think the com is better now.. mayb it was the problem with the microfilter.
anw.. truly haven been keeping up with ANYONE lately (that's me, living the life of a hermityupx!lol), but anw, now tat promos are over, i would expect me to start catching up.. but sighs. i duno. there is stil the a lvl chi exam (so right but y am i still online?).
ok i shall read and tag on everyone's blog as soon as i finish this entry.
am bored, but no, i dun reali wana go study for chi.
ok, maybe i should elongate the entry. erm. (o dear i reali got nth to write. -.- i live such a boring life) sighs. shal update later if i hav sth to write. and if the com is available..
Friday, October 06, 2006
YAY! promos are over! but actually, i dun reali feel VERY released. in fact, i feel still kind of sian. sighs but well..
am finally blogging! cause i'm at a fren's house whose com OBVIOUSLY doesn't screw up lik mine does.. and she's nice enough to lend me hehe. =) so anyway she's having her lunch now.
so a lil bit about the promo. it was.. as espected? as usual, stressed the whole week and when i take the paper, it was crappy. =/ lik crapppy. only math was better, but i expect people to score full marks while i score borderline. =( but well, that said, al i can do is to wait for the results to be back.
ok i jus hope i can pass and get promoted. and hopefully, not take thR paper, the REDO paper. but if there leaves no choice, so be it. sighs.