Sunday, August 24, 2008
basically, i jus played the whole weekend away even thou there were stacks of lecture notes to be read and stacks of tut to be done.
i hate this. and i jus don't feel lik doing any chemistry shit. wat happened? i used to like chemistry. yea inpri 6 perhaps. perhaps after shutting down this addictive laptop i shal go and sleep.
good night.
sometimes, i think my way of thinking is quite childish. are u sure im 19 years old? hmm. dun think so. so not matured. tsk tsk..
Saturday, August 23, 2008
hmm. wat else can i say. i miss vjc. =X haix.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
feeling rather depressed (as usual) these days. or feeling more den the usual lvl of depression and stress.
i dun lik uni life. i dun lik some of the lecturers. i try so hard to pay attention and it's all because of their thick accent i dun understand a single thing.
they say tears (not for the poor or pitiful) are usually due to self pity. but i'm telling u that sometimes, tears could also be because of fear. overwhelming fear. i think. as usual, i'm nv sure of myself or of things unless they are of the pessimistic outlook.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
when it was the prelim before o lvls, i was wishing o lvls could be over.
when it was the prelim before a lvls, i wished very hard for a lvls to be over.
when i was workingin kpmg, i prayed very hard for 30th june.
when nus orientation and rag and flag was on-going, i couldn't wait to start lectures and have the normal routine of jus studying.
now tat i'm flooded with lectures i dun understand and tutorials tat are slowly but surely and steadily piling up,
i can't wait for the 4 years to be over.
will this four years be like that of secondary schooL? will it pass painlessly fast? or would it just be torturing me in a brand new kind of way?
when will i finally stop wishing the present is over? when i'm about to drop dead perhaps?
at least i stil have my music. and by music i do not mean my fingers skimming lovingly and classily over the grand black and white of piano. i mean trashy popular pop culture music on the charts.
and why do i emo so much. irritating. i shldn't think/brood too much. i shld be using tat brain space for memorisin my nightmare of organic ringy molqs (except of course, pharmacists do not call it ringy. they call it: phenyl, aromatic, non aromatic). i shld, shldn't i?
Monday, August 18, 2008
hm. I GOT TO PULL THRU THIS. i can't giv up now. NOT YET. it's FOUR FRIKKIN years, for goodness' sake.
even thou wat kept me gng for the past decade or so was "uni is not gng to be lik tat" and "there wil be a better tmr".
HANG ON. i can't belive i'm dng this hang on thing so early in the year. hang on used to be for a lvls, ya noe.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
hmm. the first week of lectures is over, and i'm lik so sian of every mondays even thou only one monday has passed. school starts at 8 and ends at 8pm. wat the shit. sianz.but den i chose it. so yea, shant complain too much.
ppda (physiochemical principles of drug action) for chem was damn depressing. the first lecturer wasn't so bad cause at least i semi-understood the lecture. the nxt lecturer made me feel lik dropping the module. it was my nightmare of al nightmares coming true. what made me hesitate in choosing pharm immediately tat time was this fear tat i had to and couldnt cope with the naming and drawing and recognising of huge foreign organic molqs, and ppda was exactly tat and worst. at least for the lectures in jc last time, when i completely don't understand the lecture, the lt was noisy (everyone was talking) and i was happily chatting about a particular handsome guy (frm bio lecture) with my frens. but this time in nus, ppl were jus listening, and confirming with each other about wat exactly is going on. i had to force myself to try to listen and understand, but in the end it'sal for naught. it's depressing. u hav to appreciate my efforts thou. =X
at least the first impression of anatomy seem quite postive. and physiology's lectuerer could be entertaining (and i understood him the best so far i think).
and i miss hanging out with my clique in vj. SIGHS. =( some ppl may say jc is the worst cause it's jus plain muggin and eating the notes, but at least i had rather good frens. and we had rather good times at the airport. the four years seem so bleak now.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008
camp. camp is camp. depressing. i'm barely making thru.
anw. jus another thing to note. i try too hard. for everything. and it's jus pathetic and sad how things turn out for me. i shldn't try too hard. i shld learn to stay cool (lik viki) and learn to let go. after all, how could i ever fall and learn if i dun ever make a mistake? this applies to driving too, i think.
i shld stop trying too hard. it's REALI pathetic and embarrassing and jus makes me cringe AL THE TIME when i think back. enid blyton shld've written stories about warning kids against trying too hard. she warns of laziness and greed and being a dwadle, but nth about trrying too hard. so isit wrong anw? so far with everything tat has happen, YES trying too hard it wrong.
STAY COOL LET GO.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
school's starting tmr. there's orientation camp tmr too.
i feel lik puking just thinking about it. =X
Saturday, August 02, 2008
hmm... this is the first time i'm typing my blog entry at my brand new super expensive lap top. i bought it from school. it costs more den $2000. i feel so bad. soooo guilty. i think i'l pay back my dad. cause he used some credit cheque tat apparently has a lot of interest. i reali dun lik my dad to owe so much interest. sighs.
anw. been online soooo long but looking at the stupid bidding shit. irritating. y can't we al b jus allocated wat we lik? it would be fantastic if u can take certain basic modules for econs and psy. haix. and do away with all the stupid bidding. stupid stupid. i hate squinting/staring at the computer screen. feel so hot sticky and headache coming!
anw. camp is coming. tat explains why i'm feeling so miserable. and the end of the holidays too. i rather have one more mth of holiday and no laptop den having a stupid laptop with my holidays ending. i'm scared of sooo many things! wat if i can't click with the ppl! wat if they are all frens already and i stick out lik an extra lik so long ago? wat if wat if??~~ i'm gng nuts thinkin about this. wat if the food sucks, wat if i feel so depressed i can't eat and ppl think i'm a dieting freak? ARGH. i reali dun wan go camp. or rag. or flag. but i won't mind gng for it if i can hav a fren with me.sighs.
anw. i think i'm reali a selfish and self-absorbed person. srsly i wrap myself in al my troubles and dun reali care about wat's happening outside unless it affects me. sighs. mayb that's y i'm nt a ppl's person.. =X
depressing....................... nth happy to blog for now.. i jus wish i have a nice fren in my og. haixx............