*emos ard* i can't even totally giv up cause there was this tiny tiny improvment (lik 0.1? WTH) and i totally did not hit my pathetic target. T.T
(radio's playing click five's "i quit X5" T.T a clue? perhaps.)
HAI. all seems hopeless................................. i'l be graduating standing at the back still this time which is NOT because of my surname T.T (tat is if i'm stil graduating). and there's oso this v irritating decision of to s/u or not. irritating.
signing off
amethyst
8:21 PM
Sunday, May 24, 2009
i got my new mp3 player! =D ok the exterior's not reali very nice, but it's the inside that counts (this could so apply to other things in life)! and even thou i was initally quite resistant to touch-screen technology, this d2+ touch screen's quite cool! =D
spent the whole of tonight transferring and converting the videos. the conversion of videos are reali a pain the in the ass, but wel. at least i can play videos now. my beloved supernat! =D and this material satistfaction costs me 370. T.T a whole mth of tuition wages.
right now. i dun feel lik saving money. it's lik, i shld jus spend all my money and gain maximum satistfaction. hahas. if tat's wat makes me happy... =D i lik feeling joy, however short-lived it may be. but of course (the usual cliche), only with sadness den one can gain the maximum blissfulness of joy. hahas. but my sadness seems to be constant, the baseline. hahas.
ok watever. i've got supernatural on the go now! >< JOYFUL!
of course thanks loads to the fren who accompanied me! =D
signing off
amethyst
12:14 AM
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
ok. reading some ppl's blog, my blog entries so far are lik short and shallow and superficial. if there's anything i loathe about myself, it's trying to appear deep. i'm always trying to appear "deeper" but sometimes i dun think i'm tat deep. tat's why i lik purple.mayb liking a colour is lik channelling one's desire to be sth. =X
been workin so far for a week and half? not bad.shldnt whine too much. shld realise tat many ppl are unemployed even thou they might be trying so hard to look for a job. i shld start cherishing wat i have. i mean, i'm young, healthy (so far) and having a satisfying standard of living(with my music and entertainment and stuff. materialistic me!) so why am i soo unhappy with my life? i'm 20, at the age where everyone is living the life, dream, watever, so LIVE IT. T.T
so unhappy and keep wantin, trying to brood upon the meaning of life. someone told me about the meaning but i dun think i reali understand it (hence the i'm-so-shallow part),but i think i understood at least a wee bit. not live the hedonistic (correct meaning?) life but... ok i don't reali noe wat is the actual way to life it i'l figure tat out sometimes. T.T i rmb someone telling me living life is actually figuring out how to live it. there i go again and ruin sth i understand with words.
but there's one thing i noe for sure now thou. i noe sincerity. i lik sincerity and i stand by sincerity, in fact i can't do anything else but sincerity. i can't hide my feelings well (reads lik an open book) and to compensate for the naivety, i appear paraniod sometimes. sure thing it's be told to me one has to appear "cool" to actually succeed and or survive in life, but i hate it when u're fake, ur intentions are fake, when everything is so superficial and fu yan.
yea but sometimes. i do do a little acting to manipulate ppl? manipulate ppl. mayb i'm the one getting manipulated and stil think i hav all the control. but the feeling of thinking u're in control is intoxicating.jus plain nice even it might b an illusion.
signing off
amethyst
11:23 PM
Sunday, May 10, 2009
hmm.. ok holidays are here. i shld be lik enjoying myself.
ok to be fair, i reali don't lik changes la. starting a new job, starting a new school, starting sth new always freaks me out. so my mood now is rather.... anxious.
ok mayb i'm reali someone who doesn't noe how to appreciate wat i already hav, but tend to harp on wat i don't hav. mayb all the unhappiness stem from my sucky mindset tat the grass is always greener on the other side. i shld REALI change this. but so hard. but ok fine at least i identified it. =X
ok i felt lik blogging about sth during the exams, but i duno if i shld now. =X ok i shld jus.
read this article on the straits time by sumiko tan. about frenships and fb. and hhaas i learn stuff from it? like.. frenships can die/fade and those tat u can "deliberately erase". i didn't noe tat. i thot it was wrong and all my fault. but it's ok. i was lik so childish and dumb. -.-.
ok mayb i'm lik not making much sense. but so late alr. and i usually can't think much when i'm online. brain automatically shuts down. -.-
and it's quite sad how certain words become "fillers" (got this term from bro). lik "lol" or "haha" or "ic" wat do u say when there's reali nth else left to say?
signing off
amethyst
10:26 PM
Friday, May 08, 2009
i'm starting work on monday. this coming monday.
SIAN.
i haven slack enough and hav to work already. sure there's money but the pay oso not very high. =x but wel, dad found it and it's at a clinic. yea hopefully will help. and wel. i don't have to work every friday so far. so yeah.
on the brighter side, at least i wil earn money. and dun hav to stay at home do hsework. . T.T
signing off
amethyst
8:38 PM
Tuesday, May 05, 2009
YAY. exams are over. it's REALI a WONDERFUl feeling. =D i LOVE stayin online wasting my time, and blasting music........ so fine i hav to go thru 6 more times of torturous exams, but i guess i'l hav also 6 more times of short term instant joy.
couldn't help but wear a silly smile aft ssa paper ytd. the paper sucked but watever i can always s/u. i 'm quite sure i can pass to s/u it leh. i think.
ok i've been online since i woke up this morn. *headache* =X i shld giv it a rest. hahas. hav stuff to blog about, but the muse jus doesnt feel lik inspiring for now!
signing off
amethyst
12:33 PM
say something'
plain.amethyst.palace
plainpalace.sally.yip
aquarian snake
Singapore
Alexandra Hill Pri, Nan Hua Sec, Victoria Junior College, NUS P h a r m12'
Lady`Mage =)
plainpalace@hotmail/gmail.com
let it go'
if you cant hold on, let it go and come back in your heart