plain.amethyst.palace

Friday, July 31, 2009

had such a scary dream this morning ard 5.50am. =X it was so scary!

i dreamt tat somehow i foresaw my death. there were 4 colours, namely magenta, green, blue and i can't rmb the last one. there was also ribbon in silver. =x

somehow, everyone didn't believe me lik Cassandra the doomed prophet. -.- interesting to noe it was only this particular grp of frens who were in this nightmare.

i thot i woke up, and usually dreams don't continue after i woke up, but this one did. i mean, all the nicey dreams i hav, they all evaporate upon the opening of my eyes, but why did this one continue even aft i woke up?! =( or did i dream i wake up? i'm sure not. cause i felt so scared. =/

i went back to dreaming and i died. nono, nth gruesome lik saw movie where i see myself get mutilated. it was more of the final destination kind of atmosphere. the "event' ended and someone screamed and i jus know i was no longer there. and tat i was right and no one cared. and i woke up.

it was so scary. i rmb waking up and thinking, there's so much i haven done and fulfil and al my dreams! i was also thinking, next sem couldnt be this bad. between abrupt death and next sem i rather choose next sem -.- it was reali so scary. den i was alone in my room cause sis went for camp.

but now it's not tat scary. mayb scary at tat time because of the lack of light and the dusty twilight colours all ard. =X but still, wat iit's some prophetic dream?> omg sucks. =X

signing off

amethyst

1:31 PM

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

life rocks when i can jus dawdle in bed. it's lik, if i pull the covers over my head, i can happily pretend the world (or me) doesn't exist.

i reali do not want school to start. hence the delaying the inevitable by pretending if i don't get out of bed, time stands stils.

jus saw my timetable. sucks lar. sucks sucks argh. words cannot express how irritated i feel with it. and the communications mod oso. wah sucks even more. zz. i have to start psychoing myself about how it wont be so bad, about how i can get thru this. actually i haven no choice wat. so no matter wat i'l end up fine. i have to. brush away al the freakin out, the whining, the moaning, i think i will actually end up fine.

so the psycho-ing starts now.

i'm broke AGAIN. -.- credit card bills just came in. -.- i spent more den i thot i did. -.- al my newly-in tuition money is gone. hahas i think my mum wil confiscate my credit and debit card soon. =X

signing off

amethyst

12:42 PM

Sunday, July 26, 2009

it's quite interesting to read blog posts i suppose. i shld do it more.

have some time to kill now while waiting to go jogg. zz.

went shoppping yesterday, and the day before, and the day before ytd! it's so fun to shop. =X i'm lik outta control. online i also bought so much stuff. yea yea many of the buys turned out sucky, but usualy when i buy from stores, they also turn out sucky. mayb it's jus me. hahas

i bought my beloved charles and keith 8cm heels. only it's nt so beloved anymore. -.- it totally hurts and maims my feet i think. =( and i cant walk ard gracefully, tottering lik someone with her feet bound. -.- and it cost me 42. -.- and i thot it would make me sexier. riiight. -.- sexy comes from within i think. not clothes nor shoes nor bags. so i shld stop it with the shoppin alr. al my hard earned money down the drain (or rather into worthless materials tat i dun reali need =X)

but den again, when school starts, al i can do it force myself to study. how tiresome. i shld shop and enjoy life while i stil can. yes i'm really enjoying life! no work, i can go out walk ard. shop yea, blast some music, eat yogurt whenever i lik. try out new dresses from blogshops that ultimately dun fit -.-, re read harry potter (loves loves!),loll ard on the bed, let my bro spam me on wikipedia links when he shld be studying or his o lvls-.-.....

hundred and one things to do before school starts! unfortunately this ain some deep thinking entry but a superficial one of a boring update of my life. some ppl do chim, philosophical entries. me, i only do tat when i'm feeling particularly emo/sad. ha.

jus something perhaps. do u believe in soulmates? do u believe in reincarnation? if you say yes to both, come talk to me. i jus read somewhere that one person could hav more den one soulmate. mind-boggling i would think. read brida by paulo coelho. nice book. =) but abit.. witchy? =X rather unorthodox i supposed if u're more to the christian faith.

i used to believe whole heartedly in souls, spiritual stuff. now not so much ever since i talk to some person. but aft reading tat book, i feel tat perhaps i could hav some hope tat life is NOT all about jus existin for the sake osf existing.

signing off

amethyst

5:07 PM

Thursday, July 16, 2009

my beloved hp is officially spoilt and repair is costly and troublesome. =(

i dropped it and the fragile LCD screen jus cracked. i sent it for repair but because it was too ex and the repair was delayed, my parents told me not to repair. so now i'm stuck with a damn old phone with lousy keypad and lousy battery.

*swears* =(

i should hav used protective casing, i should hav placed it jus on the flat table. i should hav cushion it with my feet when it fell.. =(

hai depressed. =(

signing off

amethyst

10:50 PM

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

i wan my hp. T.T life is miserable without my phone. =( al the phone i'm using sux. I WAN MY HP. X(

i wan money too. the thot of being broke makes me feel lik jus slogging out in work. but i earn so little. i might as much get more tuition. =X i'm brokke!!! =(

i hate the blogshop models. hahas. =/ i got conned for the victorian shirt. i thot it was loose enough, but apparently it's cause the model is too dang skinny without a stomach unlik me. the stupid victorian shirt is too clingy, figure hugging, tight! =( anyone wans it? =(

signing off

amethyst

7:59 PM

Monday, July 13, 2009

it would be really childish and late for me to say this, but it is only now than i truly realised how frenships need so much effort.

"that's the beauty of frenships. some die, others fade somehow unknowingly or because u made it to"

i purposely let some frenships die. tat i dun care. =/ but now i realised tat things aren reali the same with this special grp of frens anymore. =( such a pity. sighs.. effort is needed, but so is time! and sometimes it's soo much easier to jus blame it on the lack of time. =(

so u cant reali hav tat many frens. or mayb it's close frens i'm talking about. jus keep the few special ones close to my heart. until when things inevitably change again.

signing off

amethyst

11:43 PM

Sunday, July 12, 2009

for once. i feel lik being bitchy. why can't things go my damn way according to my damn wants?

work tmr. sian. =(

signing off

amethyst

11:53 PM

Saturday, July 11, 2009

i've been spending so much money nowadays. mum was right. if i dun work, i jus tend to while my time and spend all my money away.

but i simply cannot help it! espeically blogshops. blogshops are DANGEROUS. -.- the models jus look sooo good wearing watever they're modelling tat i feel tempted to buy. it's like if i wear tat piece i can somehow look as good. very naive and stupid but the feeling is jus there. i try to caution myself with the "it's sleeveless!" and "it's expensive" but somehow it backfires. -.- lik end up with a baggy piece tat makes me look frumpy when i try to avoid body-hugging dresses. or with capped sleeve shirts tat makes my arms even fatter when i try to avoid sleeveless. or ending up buying up 2 piece instead of one to save on the postage -.- ibanking makes it al the more easier for my money to flow away. transfers are so painless.

i went shopping today with yl. spend ard 80+. -.- omg? and most of the stuff wasn't on my shoppin list to begin with. i stil need necklace (long kind for going out to match my boring plain shirt), a formal skirt (so i won't look lik some loserish crap come the communication module presentation), a sling bag (my current white one is turning grey- disgusting) and heels (which is more of a want since they're supposed to match my mistake dresses tat are long)

zz. i dun feel lik gng out alr. -.- jus work and slack at home. den increase my tuition frequency cause they're havin a test soon!!! Argh. -.-

i wish im rich. -.- nv has money become such ab obvious issue. -.-

signing off

amethyst

11:23 PM

Monday, July 06, 2009

ppl say when one doesn't like to take picture/look into the mirror, it probably means one dun hav much self confident. it means u haven reali accept urself yet.

how very true. hai. most of my pic from the trip sucked. -.- hai. my mum says i look fat! T.T

*depresses ard*

on a happier note, i finally packed al my notes from sem 1 (aka stuff them under my bro's bed to keep them outta sight. -.-). yays. time to slack before i start work again. slack for a week, work for a week and two days, den finally jus slack (or mayb emo wait for sem to start. snrs say sem 2 is going to be hard!! =()

signing off

amethyst

9:52 PM

Saturday, July 04, 2009

seems lik when i do a loong entry, no one comment leh. X) or mayb everyone is happily busily doing their own stuff while i'm jus loitering online. not tat i can help it anw. supposed to self quarantine at home. =( but it's abit hard to read my entry la. so long and boring and the words are lik stuck tgt. i duno how to make the space in between bigger. -.-

but no matter.. it's nice to jus slack ard. =D i wake up so late these days (lovely!) and actually read a book while the aftn passed jus last thurs. feels lik childhood al over again. mayb i shld play neopets later. hehe.

am blasting music now (music jus rocks my life even thou it's mostly pop music tat i quickly tire of) and jus slacking. =) lovely! i dun ever wan this to end! ><

anw. jus watched ghost of girlfrens' past. it's not reali a chick flick la. more lik a feel-good movie. >< i LOVE this kind of movies. romantic comedy. it makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside (hence the term feel-good movie) and yea, perhaps such movies gives me more hope about love and life in general (especially with the "disillusionment" i have to go thru recently. =() it might not be real, but i can at least continue hoping, no?=) the happiness is stil lingering i suppose. hence the lack of whiny emo entry. =)

signing off

amethyst

9:22 PM

Friday, July 03, 2009

seein as the apps 2009 was the first time for me going overseas for a symposium and mixing ard with people of different countries, it deserves a post.

apps = Asia Pacific Pharmaceutical Symposium. ok i'm quite sure tat's wat it stands for. i realised that sometimes i couldn't be too bothered with too many things eg the names of places, the university where we were holed up listening to the symposium and Regional Meetings (it's at the University Science Malaysia) and where exactly i went for free night (Gurney drive i think, to eat) and all the funny funny acyonyms (eg APRO i think it means the commitee in charge of the Asia Pacific society. sth lik tat).

so anw, first day started out rather NOT ok. simply cause i was lulled into a false sense of security tat i would be in the same grp as my frens (they sent an email showing tat i was in the same grp as my frens. all my frens). however when i got there for registration, there was a board showing we were ALL to be seperated in different groups. i knew somehow it wasnt right to put us tgt in different grps, but the idea of having to mix ard was daunting and plain scary!

being the typical singaporean i was (yes i am PROUD to say i'm a Singaporean), my frens and i found fault in almost everything. =/ the toilets (at the university was HORRIBLE.), how the event was carried out (everything was DELAYED ended late and we stil had to get up soo early in the morning, in which only we were punctual while everyone was ard half hour late. -.-) and other things. =X

the symposiums were typically boooring. the regional meetings started out rather disappointing, but was quite interesting in the middle in that i realised somethings rather impt. see, the regional meetings were when the commitee from last time were actually ACCOUNTING to us, reporting to us about their duties, and the representatives from full-membered countries have to vote for motion to be passed (eg accept their report and ask for more details shld they seem unsatisfied with wat was presented or with the job done). but the past secretory seemed rather irresponsible to me (eg he couldn't complete his job due to the lack of internet access BECAUSE he was on some internship. this resulted in the chair person (i think) taking over his job). why did he even take up the position if he knew he was going to some ulu area without internet access when the members communicated mainly thru emails? why did he even take up the internship if he knew he was already voted secretory and had responsibilities? it was disappointing to see no one "discussing" this point, and i felt even more disillusioned. it's this kind of regional organisations that could improve the larger scaled problems we were always discussing about (eg wat pharmacists not getting the respect we shld hav) and it is also this type of organisations who will facilitate the flow of information that will ultimately unite and harmonise and bring together pharmacists from all over the world. but no, no one was caring and it was so disappointing. and i could speak up but i wont cause i'm so scared of everything. i could make a difference but i dun dare cause i dun reali hav the qualifications and i might jus end up embarrassing myself.

it got sianner when regional meeting one finally ended. i "escaped" the LT with my frens to jus go out and talk. hahas. if i can't/wont do anything anyway, why waste my time?

regional meeting 2 and 3 were more interesting. see, we had to vote for new commitee members, and luckily the chair person to be voted was clearly competent. she had an impressive resume and ppl to back her up. den it got interesting for the position for the secretory and IT guy (can't rmb the proper name). two taiwanese went up for the position. interestingly, i think they submitted their application that day only. clearly for the secretory candidate, he didn't reali fulfil the requirements (aka be proficient in both speaking and writing eng. i mean, if u're supposed to be the secretory writing emails and communicating and liaising between countries, ur command of english has to be of a certain standard, no?) and i was soooo glad the korean representative (she was REALI impressive) spoke out during the closed discussion (aka when the candidate had to leave the room while ppl spoke their mind) saying he wasnt competent despite the fate that particular candidate had frens speaking out for him about his othe "competencies". i also felt proud of one singaporean senior who spoke her mind too against that candidate. =D i wont have the courage (ever) to speak out against someone.

for the next position for IT guy of the commitee, another taiwanese went up. he oso had a rather weak command of eng, and my frens and i were why lik tat again. -.- surprisingly, there were ppl NOT his frens speaking out for him. they were praising his courage and how we shld giv him a chance despite his lack of english proficiency. despite the fact he was my grp mate, somehow i wasn't swayed to root for him. he didn't appear very competent and couldnt even answer the questions directed at him! our singaporean delegate had to do some translation to chinese (when the qns were asked in standard eng) and even then he didn't reali ans the question. suffice to say i wasn't very impressed or swayed by arguments about his "courage' and wat 'chance for him". i mean, this is a regional LEADER position we're talking about, and sure of course this would look VERY impressive on his resume, and he could always learn from his mistakes, but at the expense of APROS? let's say he falls short of expectations, it's would only be the other commitee members suffering shld they hav to take over his work. i feel it's empathy (tat they all don't reali hav a great command of eng) or at least sympathy for him =X that they actually spoke out for him. i asked my frens and we agreed =. viki said based on his passion and watever, he could be a sub commitee member, but definitely not a leader position where communication is impt. i totally agree. we are pragmatic ppl and the big picture definitely matters. to quote a fren, if u can, means u can. if cannot means cannot. ur courage to speak up and chance doesnt matter, but competency and more impt. this might sound cold and unfeeling (after all, the msia environment based on the muslin religion which is more compassionate), but as sihan had said, we were forced to grow up in singapore where paper qualifications is oh-so-impt for survival that we expect the same for others.

but of course, i didn't voice out. it'l be embarassing and as another of my classmate said, we singaporeans prefer to save our own face. it's reali now tat i could see wat they always say about singaporeans not wanting to voice out. we could have spoken up. our command of english is not too bad (thank you leekuanyew for jus making us prioritize eng and chinese as our Mother tongue. we might not be able to understand malay, but at least others lik koreans and taiwanese oso cant understand malay. =X), we have the ability to say it out, but we wont. instead we prefer to voice our discontent within ourselves, complaining and exclaiming what is the world coming to. -.- in that way, my timidness is so obvious and such a weak point when u compare and contrast it to their courage to stand up and speak up in wat they believe in.

but den again, when i sorta "talked" to the ex IT guy who joined my grp for the community service, he said some stuff tat actually convinced me tat perhaps eng proficiency wasn't reali necessary, and he could be quite competent after all. but see, more personal and up-close interaction is needed leh. without it, all the general audience hav to judge is based on the presentation. so public speaking and presentation is VERY impt when it's all wat ppl hav to judge you. i so hav to brush up on my public speaking skills. communication mods X( next sem.

symposiums were boring, but ok lar. did learn pharmacy stuff, or at least see that watever NUS is teaching us is equal, if not more to the content taught regionally.

oh, about the interacting part with my grp mates. ok, at least i did try to mix ard. at least there were other nus/singaporeans in my grp. there was marcus from my year, and two seniors year three and two bee hwee and rachel. and even thou we were total strangers before this, i guess i could say safely i did talk to them hahas. i tried to talk and "socialise" the first few days, but i feel it got so tiring. it's lik, i talk to u and yea we could be frens. but the next day, everything is lik we're back to jus plain acquaintances. maybe it's jus me and my rather anti-social nature la. =/but towards the end, i got rather tired and missing home that i jus stuck to viki and sihan. hahas. =X sure i exchanged contacts with some ppl, but how to keep in contact? yea yea fb and msn and wat. but sometimes i stil prefer the face to face interactions. lik even with my frens i dun reali use fb or msn so much.

so anw. the koreans in my grp were kinda interesting. hahas. there were four of them. and they could reali talk and mix ard. no wonder their country delegate is lik so pro. she is lik one clever politician ready to balance the good and bad and nuance about tricky situation during the voting thing. hahas. she managed to make the next year's apps at korea soooo much more interesting and attractive too. hahas. but i'm nt gng cause' one round apps of interacting and socialising is enough for me. haha.

the last night gala night was traumatic. hahas. there was h1n1 scare. it was interesting to note they didn't bother with temp checking aft day 1, and everyone was running ard lik headless chicken when it was discovered someone was tested positive for h1n1. it was so scary. =/ viki and agnes' flatmate was positive and they had to be quarantined and tested. =X my grpmate also had h1n1, but it was discovered aft i'm safely back in Sg. HENG AR., if not i have to stay there and get quarantined. =X OMG. =X

so al in all, apps 2009 was quite the experience la. =)i learnt stuff. rmb wat they taught us in ss in secondary school how the UN and ASEAN could be cumbersome and ineffective because of eg language barriers or wat not? well i got to see it in reali life. it's jus asia pacific pharmaceutical society, but alr things could get so troublesome and ineffective in solving large scale problems. i guess this kind of organisations jus strive towards the ideal. it's always nice to strive towards the ideal even thou it might seem impossible. econs did taught me how things couldnt always be lik the ideal perfect, but we jus work towards it to give hope. hahas. or at least show we are doing something about it. hahas.

signing off

amethyst

12:38 PM