Tuesday, September 29, 2009
i noe now how ppl can be so mean, able to give scathing remarks without feeling lik some monster. i believe everyone is intrinsically good, and it's because of the bad things happening to them that they become lik that.
sometimes when i feel so miserable and left out and watever, i believe i can do al sorts of bad things jus to make myself feel better. or perhaps to make someone else as sucky as i feel. i feel lik making the person see how bad i feel. bleah. so evil. lik spreading my evilness ard.
and yea. mayb this is real bitterness. i'm gng to be some bitter old hag. T.T i should stop al these obsessing depressing about how sucky my current course is. even thou it is.
hai. feeling alone sucks. i wish at least i'm nt so alone suffering in watever i'm studying. =X not tat i'm wishing someone else to suffer. =/
Monday, September 28, 2009
wat a horrible horrible terrible monday. mondays are bad, but today was the worst. SO FAR.
p anal (it's actually analyis but this damn mod is reali anal -.-) was so horrible despite the fact i studied for it. u would hav thot i hav letitgo, but no.
sp was so unpdtive. blah.
practical was worst. totally lik crap. didn't help migraine built up from al the stress from the tests intensified.blah. but one good thing came out, agnes is REALI a nice person. there can't be anyone else nicer,purer of heart. hahas. she sees the good in everyone, and i mean EVERYONE. T.T i'm nt such a saint.
so anw. i was right. apps has passed quite long. and the "keep in touch" watever crap is al gone too. sure i emailed this grp mate of mine for a while, but i nv did get her photos. the emails died down too. sianz. =(mayb she's busy, mayb i write boring letters.. picture.. thank goodness for marcus and his cam.
i don'tlik superficial things. al the fuyan stuf. but i'm nt a deep person wat.
i can't convince myself not to regret not choosing my current course. damningfied. i suck at pracs so clumsy, always screwing up.i need time soo long to process stuff.. and i'm nt a neat, analytical person by nature, so why put myself in such misery?
i duno wat i lik. tuition used to bemy motivation. i lik to teach. other den making me feel superior, =/ there's this wonderul sense of satisfaction when someone "gets in". or when i manage to liven up science for them. or simplfy math a bit. but no that their exams are coming, i feel lik failure again blah.
and it's sickening how i claim to myself my strengths is able to empathise andunderstand with the fallen (cause i'm lik "been there, done that"), but i keep whining about myself. and i dun step in if my self is endangered. blah. how very selfish.
a change is needed.
some rather accurate fortune telling website (oroven accurate by hy hahas) says xia xia for my romance. lovely. hahas i shal get a dog as a pet. to increase my lifespan by 10years oso. hahsa.
http://ilife.i-cable.com/webapps/interactive/lots/lots.html
ps i'ts in chinese
and it's heartening. tat despite feeling lik crap, i hav frens who care and entertain. =)when i put an emo nick, ppl ask. thnk you al those who ask. =)
Friday, September 25, 2009
notice how aft i handed in the darn essay i cease to blog consecutively. tat's saying sth about darn sp. i wasted so much time on it. now i dun hav time to do wat i should.
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
disgusting. al i do it whine about writing the essay.
when i had to outline (which i happily didn't in the end), i worry about not having enough to fill up 1500 words. now tat i'm writing, i exceeded waaaay past 2000 words.
but the organisation is crap. the grammer is crap. i'm practically rambling and giving half-baked statements that cannot stand on their own feet. this rambling habit is a bad one stemming from the fact i ramble and whine always on my blog. i've been whining and rambling since forever on this blog, how can u expect me to suddenly give concise short statments? everything is based on my feelings how can i suddenly write in a way that proves everyone via cold hard facts?
i hate sp. BLAH.
*looks at new hp happily* at least i have sth nicey in my life. =D
Monday, September 21, 2009
fixed my mp3 player thanks to a fren's guidance. =D
bought a new hp today. white and dark blue (i refuse to call it purple even thou some ppl call it purple). c903. pretty. =) lovely. feels lik smsing everyone. i feel lik creating a new theme too, transfer some new songs inside....=) pity it doesnt hav wifi, but when one is poor, i cant br choosy. =( it's not my fave candy bar either but it's ok. =) i wil forever miss my w902 thou.
i'm happy. for now. even as the deadline for sp looms nearer and i haven done anything since ytd. i'm gng to start now. wish me luck. =/
Sunday, September 20, 2009
not only did my hp died on me jus before bloody school starts, my mp3 player now decided to join in the fun and screw up too! i didn't even drop the bloody thing. i didn't even use it for a few weeks! to think i spend almost freaking $400 on it.
bLAH. it's jus adding on to me misery. hai. and i didn't get a new phone. it's either too ex or not wat i wan. bloody singtel doesn offer many affordable models either.
ARRRRGHHHH. bloody recess week tmr. AL MY WORK UNDONE. FREAKIN I FEEL SO GEK. WANA VOMIT BLOOD.
Saturday, September 19, 2009
al i wan is a b. to be normal, average. tat's why i lik average food and clothes. tat's not a lot to ask for, surely? but yea, it's too much to ask for. think ssa, think physio, think ppda. all below b. wonderfully bloody brilliant.
i hate sp i hate sp i hate sp i haaatteeee sp!!! stupid. waste so much time i and i dun reali get anything done. al the ideas are jumbled up in one huge connected mess in my head. how in the world can i break it down into wonderful paragraphs with one topic sentence each and supporting evidence?
mayb i'm holding on too much to writing my best essay. i should jus let it go and anyhow type. den edit from there. so sian. i believe i'l do this as soon as the deadline looms nearer and i get more and more desperate.
den for now, jus procrastinate and waste time. o yes i so deserve to die. -.-
Friday, September 18, 2009
effed up flu. wonder who spread it to me. mayb it's jus my pathetically weak immune system. with my depressed moods al the time and irritating time of the mth, it's a no wonder i'm freaking fell ill. so cant' blame anyone anw.
stupid shit sp due this wed. another exciting moment as i rush to do the full essay this time. FULL ESSAY LEH. WTH. stil got crappy notes to do. lik wat the shit i hav no freaking time.
going to sleep. before i totally faint here right in front of my com. sis finally "kindly" moved away after i totally sneezed five hundred times.
nth to buy. life is boring. no blog shop launches. no new hp, no BC top. depressing. hai.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
time check, it's 11plus already and i HAVEN WRITE MY BLOODY INTRO.
how exciting. i'll probably doze during pham analys tut tmr, den run to the toilet shld the lecturer pic me to do the qns. hai. =( i hope not. pls pls pls pls.
no, the point is my bloody essay intro and bROCHURE. SHIT? it's kinda exciting. in the crazy kind of way, to not yet do sth tat's URGENT. but i kinda think i can jus anyhow come up with some crap intro. after all, it's a DRAFT. bleah.
today is the only day when i can wake up as late as i wan, but no. there comes the drilling (stupid lift upgrade) and funeral music downstairs. bleah.
i dreamt my lovely w905 was well and alive back in my hands, but it was jus a dream. such a nightmare when i woke up. =( al the nice things happened while i dream, but when i woke up, i'm happy it remained jus a dream and tat i can stop obsessing over wat i wanted it to be. =/
i'm procrastinating. i duno how to do stupid draft and intro paragraph for stupid sp.
i hate lab later too. =X
such is growing up, doing things tat one hates. now for the being-more-independent part. =/
Monday, September 14, 2009
so funny., i thot my sp brochure was perfect. apparently not. despite trying to avoid grammatical errors by using short simple sentences, i stil fell into the organisation trap. my whole brochure's organisation is quite screwed up. bleah.
and there's no time to do. bleah. stats test tmr. wat am i doing here?
Sunday, September 13, 2009
another monday tmr. i hope i survive it. at least there's no sp tmr.
and i quite think my essay is quite dead. i keep procrastinating, simply because i dun feel lik doing the darn essay. in fact, i would be quite happy to outsource the writing of my essay for one hundred dollars. or maybe more if u can guarantee an A. anyone out there? T.T sighs. i wasted one whole sat on it. and i stil cant make up my mind about my stand. everything seems ok wat to me. hai. =( and i'm nowhere near a refreshing WOW BOOMZ conclusion. hai. i think i'm gng to come up with some half-baked "let the government decide wat to do" kind of solution again. =(
sighs. school sucks. monday, tues, wed and thurs sucks too. labs suck most of al.
20 sept coming. i can get a new phone soon! and may my lovely striped nautical-pull over from BC arrive too!! at least sth to look fwd to despite the looming recess week and CA/midterms watever u wana cal them. life is so sad when i cant shop or do things i lik eg read.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
wow suddenly there's so many posts on this blog of mine.
anw. i think shldnt keep whining about my pathetic life. cause whenever ppl wana narrate my blog in front of me (think yesterday when viki and geraldine brought their laptop to school and was happily surfing the net), i feel so self-absorbed that my blog entry is al about me, me and me.
so i jus blog about. how princess s is begging ppl to cooperate. cause see, she's the producer of her cca and ppl are refusing to cooperate to even meet up, and she has deadlines to meet, being the one in charge of live productions. tsk. i supppose when one is in the commitee, there is a price to pay, aka stress. and i shal laugh happily at her cause it's seldom she swallows her pride to beg. (and tat was for calling me slave! ur slave is laughin at u now!! =P)
and ps, she told me to blog about it, and i did.. guess i'm stil the sub-servient slave.=P
which brings me to the point of vp. suddenly felt so ambitious when they sms about the position being empty and tat the main job wil be to contact the ipsf ppl. i'm quite sure i could take on the responsibility, but den again, im stil so cowardly, timid, lacking in social skills , how could i ever hope to think i wil make a good vp? but i thot i could "change things". cause i could actually voice my opinion in the nxt apps. hahas..
but of course lar, there are other more qualified ppl who also went for apps. but i think when i'm 60 years old, i'l always look back and regret i didn't do it.
bleah. enough of building sand castles in the air. or postulating wat could happen. time to do bloody work. i'm once again, so inefficient and couldnt even complete a single thing on my to-do list. bleah.
Friday, September 11, 2009
lovely. i finally changed the bloody blogskin. previous one was screwed up because the pic jus disappeared and i removed the html code and couldnt fix it cause my knowledge of html codes is rudimentary.
tired. sighs. bleah. hates school.
i ought to find sth i lik to do. after all, wat i'm studying now isn't something i love very much. al the surface tns is so mind-boggling.... and the chemistry too. zz
recess week coming. woots. =/
despite hateful and boring school, my love for books is not dampen. =) recently jus finished a spot of bother by mark haddon. funny book i think. quite amusing and effective prose. i can so totally empathise with the mad politely and secretly gng mad. i think i might be lik tat next time. all the worrying/obsessing and thinking might jus be more den enough to drive me mad. hahahs.
nxt time perhaps.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
stressful days. lectures are piling up. i might have an almost-free-day but i stil didn't get much done. inefficient me. life is unfair, so deal with it.
CAs are coming. hohoho. no wonder pimples are sprouting out, muscles are feeling tight and painful. i woke up this morning with the paragraph of sirius black answering harry potter about dying being "quicker and easier than falling asleep" playing again and again in my head. death wish? mayb. =/ indeed, waking up every morning to attend 8 am lecture feels lik i'm crawling back from the dead.
i'm so pissed i didn't do much work today. nowadays, i have no life (lik always). i may pour al my energy and time into taking in as much content but unfortunately, i wont be getting the final goal i wan. freaking hel. and i'm still too cowardly to change it all. so al i can do i sit ard and whine. whine. whine.
i could change it, u noe. oppportunity doesnt come knocking twice and i'm nt even learning from my mistakes.
and i hate having no room to myself. sis now refuses to sleep and i cant stay up too late cause of darn 8 am lectures. blarh.